Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Space Time Distortions Are Ruining My Life

I think I am personally experiencing the advance scientific concept of space-time fabric distortions on a daily basis. Every time I enter the chrono dead zone known as the "office", the flow of time seems to come to a complete standstill. It doesn't matter what I try, and believe me I have tried every method of slacking off possible, nothing seems to help.

I have tried phoning in bomb threats to my own office, but apparently my voice is too recognizable.

I have tried hacking into the HR's computers to find out the salary of everyone at work. This apparently takes more intelligence than I posses.

I have tried opening a new Facebook account, pretending to be a hot girl, photoshopping pictures of my married colleagues with said hot girl, and then tagging the photo with every person that may know them. This seems to help somewhat, but highly likely to result in me being fired...hang on...that might solve the problem after all.

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